Always
by Shunyata Ryuen
Summary: Some things, even death cannot destroy. A short fic about a promise even death couldn't shatter.


DISCLAIMER: No ownership claimed, no money gained.  
  
Author's Note: I wrote this a few months ago, never bothered to post it. So, here it is. *fanfare*  
  
---  
  
"Always"  
by Ryuen  
  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
I told you I would always protect you. I meant it.  
  
I'm here beside you now, keeping you strong, keeping you safe, and, I won't let go. No matter what.  
  
I'm inside of you, Miaka. I can feel your heart beating, feel the confusion swirling in your mind. And that pain, in the pit of your stomach--that lost, empty pain...it's because of me, I know. I did this to you...I made you feel this way. Because, I left. Demo, I'm here, now. I'll always be here.  
  
Because, I love you, Miaka...and, I want you to be happy. So, I'll stay here with you, keep you strong...keep you safe.  
  
I'll always protect you.  
  
---  
  
I'm walking beside you. Can you feel me, Miaka? I'm here, holding onto you, keeping your back straight and your steps sure--keeping the sadness from rising up from your heart, hurting you anymore. I won't let anything hurt you, not ever. I'm with you as you walk into the cave, with you as you come face to face with the Genbu shichiseishi...with you as you run forward, drop to your knees and beg them to give you the shinzaho. Our eyes meet...yes. They can see me. I notice their gazes drifting to me every now and then, flickering just over your right shoulder and onto me. They know I'm here, watching over you...and that they're going to have to deal with me if they want to get to you--to any of us.  
  
Prove you're Suzaku no Miko, huh? Don't worry, Miaka. I know it's cold. I know it hurts. But, I'm here with you. I'm wrapping my arms around you, hugging the warmth back into you, pulling you close and giving you the strength you gave me in that final battle. Take this strength, take this power--make it yours. Hotohori-sama gave you his sword, filled it with his chi--I'm giving you all of myself...all my chi. Because, I'm a part of you, now. I'm reaching out through you, melding into you....reaching my arms out through your arms, opening my eyes through your eyes, drawing courage into your heart...because, it's my heart, too. Take it...be strong, Miaka.   
  
Can you feel me, I wonder? Do you know I'm here?   
  
The ice is bursting around you, and the bracelets...my bracelets...they're warm on your wrists, glowing with the fiery power of Suzaku's power...of our power. I never understood it until now, just how great a hand our god has in what we do...but, he's always there with us, like I am with you now. He's the one who gives us the strength to go on...who gave Hotohori-sama the power to lift you from the river...who gave me the strength to keep on fighting even with that monster's claws ripping up through my chest. Ne, Miaka...you feel it now, don't you? I'm here.   
  
The ice is breaking...good. Breathe, Miaka. Live. I'm here.  
  
I rise to my feet, rise up from within you...and stare out at the Genbu seishi, offer a quick, tilted grin. "It's not just me, you know," I tell them quietly...and, my voice echoes, carries--I can see the recognition flaring in their eyes. "This girl is Suzaku no Miko. You try to hurt her, and you're going to have to deal with Suzaku himself...not just me."  
  
Everyone is crowding around you, now, touching you, holding you...smiling. Hai. You're alive, Miaka.  
  
"Nuriko...you protected me."  
  
You...you know...! Thank god...you know I'm here...you can feel me. Oh, Miaka, I wish I could talk to you now, tell you that I'm all right, things are okay...but, I can't, can I? At least, not as I am now--not yet. But, one day...one day, Miaka, I swear it, I'll talk to you again. I'll hold you in my arms and never let go. Not because I want to take you from Tamahome, because I don't, but, because I want you to -feel- me--I want you to know that I'm here, I'm real, I'm giving you all the strength I have to give. I want to hug you close, hear your heart beating against my chest--know that you can feel my arms around you, my strength...my love surrounding you. But most of all, I just wish that you could hear my voice, because, there's so much I want to tell you, so much I want to say. So much I didn't get a chance to say. Demo...it'll be all right for now.  
  
I can wait.  
  
Gomen ne, Miaka...I have to leave you for a little while. There's...someone else I need to be with now, but, I'll come back as soon as I can. I'll come back. Be safe until then, Miaka. Suzaku...onegai. Watch over her.  
  
---  
  
"Heika, please. You're being unreasonable. To attempt to contact the sorceress Taiitsu-kun is more difficult than you might imagine--particularly when only shichiseishi are permitted to see her mountain!"  
  
You're standing there, in front of the window. Your head is down, and your hand--it's resting against the frame of the window, clutching onto it so tightly that your knuckles are white. Did I...did I do this to you, Hotohori-sama?  
  
"I *must* contact Taiitsu-kun as soon as possible!" you exclaim. I've never heard such fervor in your voice...or such sorrow. "Something has happened to someone--I HAVE to find out who!"  
  
Hotohori-sama, don't you know? Can't you tell that it's me? No...no, of course not. All of your energy was always turned towards Miaka, not me. Demo, I have to believe that you felt something for me, even if it was nothing more than friendship...because, I loved you. I still do. And, like Miaka...I want you to be happy. I'm with you, now. I'm standing just behind you, resting my hand on your shoulder...can you feel it?   
  
I could never have done this in real life. I could never have just walked up behind you, put a hand on your shoulder. You never seemed to like to be touched, unless it was by Miaka. I remember, once, as we stood on the palace walkway--it was that night when Tamahome was in Kutou, and Chichiri used his magic to let her see him. Tasuki was being his usual well-meaning insensitive self. I sent him away....and I stood there with you, watched the grass with you...watched the sky with you. You never said a word, but, I knew you were hurting, that Miaka's love for Tamahome hurt you like nothing else...so, I tried to comfort you. All I did was lift my hand, touch your arm. It was supposed to be a reassuring touch--a comforting touch...and, you let me have that touch for an instant...but, you tensed when I touched you. You didn't like it, even if it was for comfort...because, you don't like to be touched. You don't like to be vulnerable.  
  
"Heika, Taiitsu-kun may not even be at her mountain! Please, let us send a messenger to the shichiseishi instead--it will take a little longer, but--"  
  
"NO!"  
  
I can feel the way your shoulders tense as you speak, and I can hear how heavy your breathing is, how thick and harsh. So. You felt it when I died. I wasn't sure if you would have, Hotohori-sama, being so far away...but, you did. Can you feel my arms around your shoulders? I'm holding you up. I'm smoothing the pain from your heart, calming you down...making you breathe. Long, deep, sweet breaths. It's a lovely night, ne, Hotohori-sama?   
  
There's something like recognition in your eyes...but, you don't see me, I know. You don't hear me or feel me...but, you know that something's different now. And, deep down, I think maybe you know I'm here with you, that I'm the one whose death you felt...but, you haven't realized it yet. You will, though. Maybe soon...or, maybe not until Miaka and the others come back. But, that's okay. I'll still be here, Hotohori-sama.  
  
You let out a soft sigh, hang your head so your chin brushes against the fabric of your robes. My arms are wrapped around your chest, my cheek's resting on your back...I'll hold onto you, Hotohori-sama. Just breathe, now. Breathe...and live.   
  
"I'm going for a walk," you say. Your voice is very soft...almost a whisper. "I don't wish to be disturbed."  
  
As you walk towards the door, I walk with you, let my hand rest gently on your shoulder. I'll catch you if you fall, Hotohori-sama...and, I'll guide you to the destiny Suzaku has waiting for you. Be strong. I already know where she is. She's sitting there, on the edge of a stone in the gardens...your stone, in fact--you know the one, Hotohori-sama. I'd see you sitting there sometimes, when I was walking at night, trying to tire myself out enough to sleep. I'd see you sitting on that rock, humming softly and staring up at the stars. It's the one right in the center of the gardens, the one beside the willow tree. Ironic, isn't it, that that's where you two are going to meet? Beneath my tree, with my hands guiding you together?  
  
You'll love her, Hotohori-sama. I know you will. I do. When I looked at her that first time, when I saw that face so much like my own, I didn't see myself at all. I saw Korin, Hotohori-sama, grown up and beautiful just as she should've been. I know I never had a chance to tell you about Korin...but, I have to believe that somewhere, deep within, you know about her; that you know that sometimes I would wake up at nights and cry for hours because I missed her so much. That sometimes I would lie alone in the middle of the gardens and stare up at the sky, my shoulders so heavy with guilt that I sometimes wondered if death might be better.   
  
I got to see her today, Hotohori-sama. She's so beautiful...and, she's been with me all this time, as I'm with you now.  
  
No, no--not that way, Hotohori. This way. Into the gardens...yes. You'll find her, soon. Houki... She was the only woman I called my friend for a very long time, and the first one in this great palace to ever find out my secret. She's kind, good--a better woman than I ever was. But, of course, she actually IS a woman...but, anyway. I know you'll love her. She'll give you what I couldn't, and she'll be able to comfort you...make you happy.  
  
Please, be happy, Hotohori-sama. You deserve it.  
  
---  
  
Miaka--oh, gods, I shouldn't have stayed away from you for so long!   
  
Don't worry...please, it's all right. Calm down. Take in a deep breath, let it out...it's okay. I won't let him touch you. That bastard... Nakago, if you touch her, I swear, I'll kill you even if I have to rise up from the dead to do it...you bastard. Stay away from her! Miaka, I'm here. I'm standing in front of you, holding my arms out, keeping him away. He won't touch you as long as I'm here. He won't touch you. Naaa, Miaka, how do you get yourself into things like this??   
  
Bastard. He's not going to touch you. Not while I'm here.  
  
"Tamahome," you whisper.  
  
He's right there, taunting you, holding you down on the floor with his chi. It'll be all right, Miaka. Please, believe me--it'll be all right. Miaka...Miaka...you're unconscious? Ne, Miaka, you're not making this easy for me... I guess we'll have to do this the hard way.  
  
I'm with you again, Miaka. I'm lying here inside of you, letting you drift in the cool darkness while I keep you safe. My chi is surrounding us, keeping that bastard back--keeping him from touching you. He tries again, lifts that hand towards you...but, my chi, it joins with yours, joins with Suzaku's--grows stronger, larger, heavier. It pushes him back, keeps him away. I can see the anger in his eyes...but, it's a muted kind of anger--a softer, more subdued anger.  
  
"Very well," he says, very quietly. There's an edge of irritation to his voice, but, he doesn't sound all that disappointed. Could it be...that he didn't want to do this to you in the first place? "Suzaku. You protect your miko well." He laughs, a light, quick, taunting laugh. "But, you won't always be able to protect her for long. Not from me." Nakago turns, steps past the curtain and starts to put his armor back on...and, you're left lying here, Miaka, bruised and unconscious...but untouched. Thank god, untouched.   
  
I should've gotten here sooner. Gods, that was close. Naaaaa, Miaka! Baka--you're going to make this hard for me, aren't you?   
  
Gomen ne, Korin. I might be awhile...  
  
Ne, but it's worth it. Besides...I promised. I'll always protect you, Miaka...no matter what.   
  
Always.  
  
--- 


End file.
